I’ve read a fair bit about what the internet thinks the difference between introverts and extroverts are, and I gotta tell you, I’m pretty annoyed by all the misinformation out there. I see all these side-by-side charts showing the differences between introverts and extroverts on things like how they behave in social settings, how they spend their time, and how they communicate with others. In cases there’s truth to it; in others, it’s total trash. As someone who skews toward being an introvert myself, today’s post is going to address five of the most common myths about introverts.
Myth #1: Introverts spend their time on solitary activities.
The Truth: It’s nowhere near as black-and-white as “extroverts like to go out and introverts like to stay in”. Think of it more like a sliding scale, where the more introverted you are, the more you tend to enjoy time to yourself, as well as time spent with others in smaller groups. If you’re on the extroverted in, chances are you want more time with others, and enjoy larger groups more than introverts do.
Myth #2: Introverts are all shy.
The Truth: Being shy and being introverted are two entirely different things that sometimes overlap. You can be an introvert, and still excel in social settings. The difference is that whether you’re shy or not is a function of how you behave outwardly around others. Whether you’re introverted or extroverted is more a function of where you recharge your batteries, and how you process information. It has little to do with how you show up in social situations.
Myth #3: Introverts aren’t as strong as leaders as extroverts.
The Truth: This one really pisses me off. It’s not that people say this outright; this belief shows up as a quiet bias that pervades a company’s culture of rewards and recognition. If you want to see this bias at play, simply look at a company’s leadership team. How many of them are introverts versus extroverts?
Corporate North America tends to celebrate people who exhibit extroverted qualities. The loud, outwardly confident male is more likely to be promoted faster than the quieter, more thoughtful woman (yes, I use genders deliberately here, because outward confidence is still rewarded in males more than females, which is another problem unto itself).
Does exhibiting extroverted traits inherently make you a better leader? Of course not, and most people, if asked that question directly, would say the same. Yet still, when you hear someone talk about leaders who have “executive presence”, they’re almost always referring to leaders who present as an extrovert.
Let me be clear: there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an extrovert. Extroverts have some incredible qualities, no doubt about it. But being an extroverted does not automatically qualify you as a better leader than someone who is more introverted.
Introverted leaders are often strategic thinkers who elevate the voices of those around them, creating a culture where people feel valued, seen and empowered. We have more work to do to get to a place where celebrate diversity of personality at all levels of an organization, in addition to all of the other important pillars of diversity.
Myth #4: Introverts aren’t as good at networking as extroverts.
The Truth: Introverts are just as good at networking as extroverts; they just often take a different approach. Whereas many extroverts are social butterflies that excel at meeting lots of new people, introverts tend to prefer deeper, more focused conversations with a smaller number of individuals. A true introvert prefers to get past the small talk, and into subject matter that has some substance.
It helps to reframe what networking looks like here. If you only think about networking as handing out and collecting business cards in a packed room full of businesspeople, then of course you’d think that extroverts are better networkers. But how about the one-on-one coffee chat that you set up to get to know someone in another area of your company? That’s networking too, and introverts tend to be very good at it.
Myth #5: There are only introverts and extroverts.
The Truth: Think about introvertedness and extrovertedness as existing on a spectrum. On the far end, you have true introverts, and on the other far end, you have true extroverts. Right around the middle, however, you have people like me, who exhibit characteristics of both groups. For example, I love being out in social settings, and I lose my mind if I’m cooped up at home for too long. I also love public speaking, and consider it one of my relative strengths. But I also love relaxing on the couch with a scotch and a good book, and I get drained if I spend too much time in a massive group of people I don’t know.
So what am I, introvert or extrovert?
Actually, I’m neither. People like me, who have traits of both groups and can show up as either one depending on the day and the setting, are known as ambiverts. Ambiverts are often mistaken for extroverts, because we can be outgoing in public settings, actively and animatedly contribute in meetings, and so on. But looks can be deceiving!
Wrapping it Up
Ultimately, it comes down to this: people are complex and unique beings, and it’s impossible to just bucket everyone into the binary options of “introvert or extrovert.” It’s also counterproductive to try and label people as such. When we do, we make invalid assumptions about their strengths and weaknesses, assumptions that can often prevent us from celebrating and elevating the strongest contributors. It’s important that we reflect on our biases in this way, and make sure that we’re looking past them and toward the quality of the individual, and their contributions… not just how they show up.
