Finding a mentor at work can be tough. It can be hard to know who you’ll mesh well with, and even harder to work up the courage to ask them to be your mentor. So where do even begin? Read on to find out!

Start with your outcomes in mind.

Know what you want to achieve before you ask someone to be your mentor. Not because you want to focus purely on extracting that out of them (don’t be that person), but because knowing what you’re trying to achieve gives you a sense of direction when it comes to finding a potential mentor.

For example, if you know that you eventually want to change departments within your organization, then finding a mentor in your new department who can help you learn what skills are valued and how to be successful on that team is a great choice.

If, on the other hand, you’re looking to become a stronger public speaker, then your focus in a mentor is to find someone who is great at that, and willing to teach you to be as well.

Look for people you admire.

Think about people in your network who you would want to be like when it comes to whatever goal you’re trying to achieve. That could be someone who successfully made the same career move you’re trying to make, or someone who is a really strong leader, and so on.

Often, your best options for a mentor are people who already know you on some level. They’re more familiar with you as a person, along with your strengths and weaknesses. This in turn makes it easier for them to offer you customized, useful advice.

Now that’s not to say that you can’t ask someone outside your network. That can be a really powerful strategy too! If you want to go that route, or need to because there are no suitable mentors in your network, be sure to ask around for recommendations from others. In this case, you’re looking for people that others admire. Be sure to get details on why your contacts feel that a certain individual could be a good fit for you!

Start with a coffee chat.

If you don’t already have an existing relationship with the person you want to be your mentor, it can feel less daunting to start by asking them for an informal coffee chat. You’re also more likely to get a “yes” if it’s a one-off, versus an ongoing request for someone’s time.

When you have the coffee chat, take the opportunity to learn more about the individual and their world, and make sure you come prepared. If the conversation goes well, you can end off by asking for a more regular set of meetings. I’ve used this technique successfully with several mentors (you know who you are), and can confidently say it works well – but only if there’s a natural fit and flow to the conversation!

Be specific when you make the ask.

When you’re ready to ask someone to be your mentor, be specific with the individual about why you’d like to learn from them. That can include talking about why you’ve valued past conversations with them, the kind things others have said about them, or things you’ve witnessed them do exceedingly well that you’d also like to learn.

Doing this accomplishes a few things:

• It helps the person see what value they could bring to the table in mentoring you
• It shows that you’ve been thoughtful in your approach to searching for mentors
• It’s a nice ego boost for them, and who doesn’t like that?

What sounds better:

“Hey John, I was wondering if you’d consider mentoring me?”

OR

“Hey John, I’ve always admired the way you sound so comfortable and confident when you speak in front of a crowd. That’s something I’ve had on my development plan for a while now, and I think I’d have a lot to learn from you. Would you consider teaching me to become a better speaker?”

Easy one, right?

When you get the yes, meet consistently and come prepared.

When you do finally get the yes (and you will), make sure to respect your mentor’s time. Chances are, they’re a super-busy person, and under no circumstances do you want to waste their time by showing up to a meeting unprepared.

Set up a consistent, recurring series of meetings at a frequency you agree to in advance with your mentor, then stick to that as best you can (if they move you, so be it). Create and send along an agenda ahead of each meeting, so your mentor has time to gather their thoughts. Don’t be afraid to go off-agenda if a new topic naturally presents itself, but having a plan for the meeting helps ensure that both of you feel like it’s a good use of your time.

Remember: a mentor and a sponsor aren’t the same thing.

If you don’t know the difference, read up on it in an earlier post I wrote. In short though, a mentor is someone who helps you develop; a sponsor is someone who advocates for you. Sometimes they’re the same thing, sometimes they’re not.

One thing is for sure though: the quickest way to lose a mentor is to ask them to sponsor you when they’re not ready to do so.

Wrapping it Up

Finding a mentor doesn’t have to be scary – it just takes a bit of effort. When you know yourself and what you’re looking to achieve, it becomes way easier to make the right preparations and find your way to a mentor who will get as much out of mentoring you as you get from being mentored by them. Just remember: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Ask the question – the worst they can say is “no,” in which case you’re no worse off than you were yesterday!