Sometimes it’s hard to know when the grief of losing a loved one will flare up – it might be the most unassuming thing that reminds you of your loss. Maybe it’s a meal that tastes like the one they used to make. Maybe it’s a flower that used to be planted in their gardens, or a path you used to walk together.

Other times, the grief is as predictable and expected as the sun rising in the morning. Today is one of those times. A year ago today, I lost my nonna. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long already – the memory of it all is still as fresh in my mind as if it happened last week.

I feel like many people try to hurry to get to a place where the feeling of loss no longer hurts. I get that. But when you remember that to feel is human – that it’s ok to feel like things suck from time to time – all of a sudden, it becomes easier to just feel what you’re feeling instead of trying to suppress it. I have no intention of suppressing it, and I don’t ever want to get to a place where I’m “meh” about losing someone I care about.

Yeah, I’m sad, and it sucks. That’s ok though; as far as I’m concerned, it’s better to remember a loved one and hurt than to try to forget in order not to, and today I’m dedicating special attention to that fact. I know you’re resting in peace, nonna. I’m lighting a candle in your honour tonight. I planted your marigolds in front of our house this summer, so that they’ll remind me of you every time I see them. And I hope you know that I’m thinking about you, and that there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss you.

By the way, if you’re looking for some decent advice for dealing with the loss of a loved one, you could do a lot worse than to read this response to a stranger’s desperate plea for help.