I have historically had a hard time practicing forgiveness. It’s not like holding a grudge was part of my personal brand or anything like that, I just grew up having trouble letting go of some things. Then something happened that changed that. I’m going to be honest with you: today’s post was a tough one to write. It was one I needed to think through and grind out, and backspace and redo. I think of this as my final step to forgiveness and moving on from a situation I’m dealing with right now, and I hope that my story inspires you to let go of any long-standing grudges you might be holding as well.

The Situation

I’m going to be deliberately vague with you here as I explain the details of my situation so as not to implicate anyone specifically – that would kind of violate the whole spirit of what I’m trying to achieve here.

Here’s the backstory. We were training one night in karate class, practicing full nelson escapes. I was a coloured belt at the time, paired with a partner who was far more senior and experienced than I was. It was my turn to practice escaping, and I was trying it out for the first time. The individual suggested that I raise my hands above my head to make escaping easier; not knowing any better, I gave it a shot.

Turns out, it was a joke, and also the exact opposite of what you’re actually supposed to do to escape. The person then pressed down so hard on the back of my neck that I was injured in the process. Fast forward three years later, and I have severe and constant neck and upper back pain that stems from that very same injury. There are some days when I can’t sit down for more than a few minutes without extreme discomfort.

The Defining Moment

As my condition worsened, I was faced with a choice. I could be angry, bitter and resentful toward the person who injured me years ago; or I could let it go, move on, and focus on healing. I’ll admit that at first, I chose the first path. I was angry. I was bitter. And I was resentful.

Before long though, I realized two things: first, the person had moved on with their life. They were no longer training, and I barely see them anymore. My frustration had no bearing on how they live their life, nor should it. Second, my anger was actually making things worse for me. It was harmful to my health, adding stress hormones that only added fuel on to the fire of my worsening condition.

I don’t know exactly when it happened, but there eventually came a point when, after many people close to me expressed their frustration on my behalf, I reflected on how I actually felt, and realized something monumental: I was no longer resentful. These people were pissed on my behalf, and yet I was not. It was spilled milk, and my only focus was to clean it up.

I wish I could say it was a conscious decision to practice forgiveness and move on, but the reality is that I think it was more of a survival and coping mechanism. I think I forgave because, subconsciously, I’m not sure I’ll ever fully recover from that injury. Something was taken from me that day that I may never be able to get back… but I’m still here. I’m still me, and I’m still fighting. Being resentful, hateful or angry is counterproductive to the only thing that matters to me from all of this, which is to get better. I have an entire life ahead of me that I can either spend holding a grudge that the person I’m holding it against neither knows nor cares about, or I can move on with my life and spend the next 50 years enjoying it every damn way I’m able to.

Wrapping it Up

I may not have chosen forgiveness in this situation – it chose me – but the next time I’m faced with something like this, you can bet that I’ll work very hard to make it my choice to forgive and move on. No good will ever come from the alternatives. We choose our own method of dealing with our pain, and it’s our choice to either carry our baggage with us, or leave it on the platform of the past, where it belongs.